GOOD OLD GARY LISING

Good 'ol Gary Lising

(The following was copied without permission from the souvenir progamme of
the The Fabans Friends - A Grand Reunion! concert in Manila
sometime 1996.)

My name is Gary Lising. Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I
have a very nice name -- for a disease.

I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according to
them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.

I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I
was born -- but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only
abortion that lived.

I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in
our family album.

I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby -- I was breastfed by
my father.

I grew up to be a boy wonder -- everybody always looked at me and
wondered.

I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B.S. Economics. That
explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.

I went to the United States where I put up my own business that went
bankrupt. My business was selling PX goods.

I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rent was only 200 dollars
a month. It was very cheap because it was walkup -- no elevator.

I was drafted by the U.S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion -- I
am a devout coward.

I came back to the Philippines because I miss the brownouts. We should be
proud of this fact because in the U.S. they don't have brownouts. We are the
only country that has it.

Another thing to be proud of is the merging of Erap Estrada's PACC
with Gringo Honasan's YOU -- it would be known as PACC
YOU.

My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual -- every time he sees sex he buys
it.

My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman -- she is a nun.

My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father
steals.

I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really
blind. I also have a son, Bugsy, he's only five years old and he already knows
how to be ashamed of me.

I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me
share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in:

I BELIEVE...that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking --
give up reading.

I BELIEVE...that you should never make love with your eyes unless you are
cockeyed.

I BELIEVE...Dick Gordon when he said that women should be put up in a
pedestal -- high enough so you could look up their dresses.

I BELIEVE...Baby Boy Poblador when he said that women are the foundation of
our society. I also believe him when he said that men are the ones who laid the
foundation.

I BELIEVE...Lolit Solis when she said that Mayor Lim was her former
boyfriend.

I BELIEVE...Mari Mar when she cried -- I saw tears running down her
legs.

I BELIEVE...that Fr. Donelan will outlive us all.

I BELIEVE...IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, AND THAT EVENTUALLY WE WILL HAVE
PEACE AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH IN HIM.

GARY LISING, S.J.*

• 
  

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