INSURANCE

Insurance

There was this international contest for the best life insurance
policy. Hey, Actuarial Majors take note! a la Miss Universe. Bob Barker was the
emcee:

Contestant No. 1 (from an American firm represented by an
obnoxious one of those TV-host-late-night-30-minute-commercial types like
Amazing Discoveries): I will insure your child from birth to death.

Bob Barker smiles and says, Let's hear it for good old
American values.

Audience claps.

Contestant No. 2 (from a German firm, represented by a severely,
handsome blonde, blue-eyed hunk): I will insure your child from womb to tomb.

Bob Barker smiles again and says, There you go.

Contestant No. 3 (from an English firm, represented by a dapper
young Englishman in an elegant Saville Row suit with a perfect (but learned)
Oxford accent): I will top them all. I will insure your child, Bob (for a
little touch of personality here, which is strange because the English is
supposed to be cold, proper and formal) from conception to expiration.

Bob Barker ahhs and the audience is prompted to ahh with him.

Contestant No. 4 (from a Japanese firm, represented by a tall
Japanese in a Giorgio Armani. He says in a perfect (also learned) Oxford
English): I will insure your child (whips out a chart) from sperm to
worm.

Audience hoots. Bob Barker almost dies.

In a joke such as this, of course the Filipino always comes
last:

Contestant No. 5. (The Filipino. A dignified 5'2 executive with a slight
beer belly, wearing a polo barong, of course, (or was that a gray bush jacket?)
and holding an imitation leather clutch bag: (in a perfect American accent)
I will insure your child sir, from erection to resurrection!

HAH!

Bob Barker did have a heart attack.