SOLICITING CAMPAIGN FUNDS

Soliciting Campaign Funds

Erap, Joe De V and Fred Lim are soliciting campaign funds from the Sultan of
Brunei. The Sultan has a very intelligent horse, who understands English but is
lame. Sultan says he will donate a million dollars to the candidate who can make
the horse laugh, cry and run.

Joe says, Me first. (as he is accustomed to do). He puts his face
in front of the horse, and starts wiggling his huge ears. The horse enjoys the
breeze, but does not laugh. Joe takes out money and waives it in front of the
horse while making sad, crying sounds (nang-aasar baga). The horse ignores the
money, and refuses to cry.

Joe then slaps the horse's behind, and starts shouting Heyaah.
The horse ignores him and refuses to run. (The fact that the horse speaks
English was totally lost on Joe, who is not very bright).

Lim comes up next. He looks at the horse and says, Kapag 'di ka tumawa,
papatayin kita(If you don't laugh, I'll kill you!). Horse
didn't laugh. He walks over to the other side and says, Kapag 'di ka
umiyak, papa-salvage kita.(If you don't cry, I'll have you salvaged.
- Locally, salvage is similar to rub-out.) Horse didn't
cry. Finally, he stands beside the horse and says, Kung hindi ka tumakbo,
pipinturahan ko yung bahay mo ng AKO'Y PILAY. (If you don't
run, I paint I'm lame' on your house.) Horse didn't run.

Erap comes to the front. He whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse
bucks and laughs so loudly, the Sultan thought it was going to die. Erap
whispers again. The horse starts to weep copiously. Finally, Erap whispers
again, and the horse takes off running like a shot.

Joe and Fred are amazed. What did you say to the horse first?
asks Joe.

Erap: I'm the Vice-President of the Philippines.

Fred: And how did you make him cry?

Erap: And I'm going to be the next President of the Philippines.

Why did he run away? they both asked.

Erap: I told him if he didn't start running now, I was going to bring
him back to the Philippines, and make him a registered Filipino voterI'm
the Vice-President of the Philippines.

Fred: And how did you make him cry?

Erap: And I'm going to be the next President of the Philippines.

Why did he run away? they both asked.

Erap: I told him if he didn't start running now, I was going to bring
him back to the Philippines, and make him a registered Filipino voter.