There is a very ancient Chinese saying, If the weight of the outside
world is pressing in, solstice can always be found in happy golden morsels of
light entertainment. No. Just kidding. I made that up. But wait, this is
real: Jackie Chan's film FIRST STRIKE (Bad Jin Long) is whooping (and I do mean
whoop-whooping) good fun. This film's got high speed snowboard chases, chases on
stilts, and synchronized swimming with man eating sharks. What more could you
ask for?
Actually I could ask for subtitles. It would be very convenient, but on
second thought, they'd probably be in Chinese. My limited mental capacity
(something about bungee jumping from my uncle's shoulders at an impressionable
age, back in the old days before they added the cord) prevents me from
comprehending Chinese characters flashing on a 10 foot screen at lightning
speeds. This happens regardless of whether the characters on the screen are
debating philosophical theory or making tea, so it would probably be useless to
have subtitles anyway. But if you can't figure out that, in a Jackie Chan movie,
the guys with the dark glasses and mongo guns under their coats are the Baddies,
maybe you should sit this one out.
Chan plays a Bond-esque Hong Kong police agent who is sent on a mission for
the CIA and then gets recruited to work for the KGB. Hey, nobody said it had to
be BELIEVABLE. Somehow a routine mission to the snowy slopes of the Ukraine ends
up as underwater tricks for sharks in Australia. There is in fact something
resembling a storyline in the hour or so in between these two points, but
somehow between skiing and shark tank, I got a little muddled. To the best of my
knowledge it was at that point that the KGB recruit him to work undercover and
track a plutonium smuggler... or maybe he just felt like doing a jig on the
beach. Who knows?
As is the tradition in these action films, there's a hell of a lot of beating
going on. There is one awe inspiring scene where Chan fends off a massive gang
of 20 or more staff brandishing kung-fu fighting masters by whacking them with
an aluminum ladder. It all happens within, without, on top of, beneath, behind
and in between the ladder. Chan does it all with his signature nice
guy manner, effortlessly winning his audience over in no time. In fact, he
is so charming that even notoriously loud audiences here in China are extremely
attentive throughout the whole of the film. That, I
think, is a feat in itself.
Despite my better judgment, I will mention the walrus-kangasaur suit. I can't
really explain the joke. It's a visual thing. Anyway, Chan appears at one point
sporting an oversized neoprene walrus-kangasaur suit. Actually, among my group
of friends there was no consensus on the exact breed of animal that the suit
represented. Flippers of a walrus, pouch of a kangaroo, tail of a dinosaur;
whatever it was, it was highly amusing. And gosh darn it, you too will be
amused. I'm considering having one made for me by the tailor down the road.
Where's the closest neoprene outlet?
For our lovely readers with a surplus of testosterone, this movie has a
little bonus for you too. A Swedish friend of mine has a habit of acknowledging
a healthy physique by shouting at the top of his lungs, Hard Bodies, Hard
Bodies! Perhaps this is an act of great respect and honor in Sweden, for
he seemed to be shouting it quite a bit during the latter half of the film where
glistening, half-dressed beach bodies abounded.
Regardless, if you've got that silly-Hong Kong-action film feeling coming on,
run straight to your local theater. If you've never had that silly-Hong
Kong-action film feeling, go to the theaters now to get some. You can see Jackie
Chan wear a silly seal hat. See him kick-box on stilts. See funny sea urchins
passively attack. She sells sea shells at the sea shore.
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